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From that point on the battle is out of your hands, as your wibbly-wobbly troops wobble their wibbles to war, crashing ranks together in a cacophony of limbs, blades, arrows, snakes, and straw.Ī general goes to war with the army he has, and in your case it’s a horde of gormless, boneless chickens yanked along by a drunken, invisible puppeteer.

You choose and place soldiers from a variety of time periods and civilizations, and then click start. The field is divided down the middle, with red and blue forces limited to their respective sides. Whether dinking around in Sandbox mode or trying your hand at the many Campaign challenges already present, you will always have a small battlefield to work with. It’s right there in the title, this is an extremely accurate simulator of historical battles, if you assume the wars of antiquity were fought with googly-eyed mammoths and drunken wheelbarrow racers.

Now that I have it, and have fumbled around with its floppy Early Access armies, I find myself surprised yet again at how much fun this thing is, even beyond what I was expecting. That surprised the hell out of me, and left me eager to see how the folks who made it would fare with their main game, Totally Accurate Battle Simulator. What do you call those games where you fight loose, noodley controls to perform the simplest tasks? Fumblecore? QWOP-likes? Infuriating? I played a riff on battle royale games that controlled like that called Totally Accurate Battlegrounds and it ended up being a great mix of hilarity and actual content.